A word for those who are asked to do more than one person can do. For those who are imposed upon from employers, loaded up with three mules' pack on one mule's back. For those also with social or family requirements exceeding physical limits: being in more than one place at a time, hourly demands above 24 per day, squeezing ten pounds into a five pound bag.
 | The advice comes from Mars. No, not the planet you silly, this is the living spirit of the Roman deity. He is most widely known as a God of War but he was originally a pastoral deity enhancing work in agriculture and industry, helping people meet their commitments, working with us in practical ways to help us get our stuff done and do it well. And his advice is as relevant today as it was in the beginning, even before Rome built that awesome army and he got drafted. |
So he has some perspective for us. If you did not agree to the fundamental commitments you are not bound by the detailed requirements (but often we have made those original agreements.) If others have changed the original deal and added to your load, you are free to accept the new terms or leave them behind (but often we do accept those new terms, and for good reasons. For example, employment.)
Just remember your core purpose in the job, the original agreements. You are pursuing "their" interests and supporting their goals because it supports your goals to do so. Goals such as income, career experience, social contact and more. So before we address the issue of overburdening, it's good to retain the perspective: original agreements, core purposes, mutual benefits and how much is truly owed. Perspective is helpful with friends and family as well as business.
And then we are left with a time budget. You get 24 hours to work with and ten are for physical human maintenance. The fourteen are discretionary, to split between your slices. Work, social, your own fulfillment, however you want to carve it up. When the requirements exceed your budget for any time slice, there are only two options: either take some time from another slice or prioritize. Then we do the most important things in today's time slice and we let the 24 hour budget renew itself tomorrow.
The key to this is keeping your view of the priorities aligned with your constituents (managers, partners, whomever you've made the agreements with.) Don't forget to include yourself on the list of those whose needs must be met. It's amazing how much it helps to keep priorities coordinated in advance. What's really amazing is how much trouble is caused by priorities that people do not agree on, and how easy it is to review things together and agree on how to move forward.
It will always be more productive and less stressful to do those first things first within the agreed list, and let the rest wait for tomorrow. It is also helpful, but not always possible, to predict those time requirements in advance. Then you can perform as agreed.
More than this you do not owe them. Some will understand this and will be reasonable with their requests. Others may need more than you can give, and may have no one else to turn to. This can be hard but it does not mean you owe them three shifts per day. Some may impose on you to validate their own sense of power and worth. You do not owe them this validation, and you could never create it for them in any case.
And in particular you do not owe them allocations from your other time slices. Sleepless hours at night are Not Required. Distracted thoughts about work or other issues, while getting together with loved ones and loving them, are Not Required. We can certainly be flexible in our daily allocations of time, but encroachment is a foul and the penalties are real.
But these fouls don't work in the same way. In sports there is a penalty when the referee calls the foul - when it's noticed. Here, you pay until you notice it, until you see the encroachment for what it is. When you see one area taking time and attention from another, it's easy to realize, "I don't owe them that. I don't have to do this." And your time allocations fall back into place quite easily. You can get back to sleep easily, or turn your attention fully to the matters at hand. You don't owe them more than you agreed to.
What you do owe them is the performance you agreed to in the first place. You will be required to be productive and honorable in fulfillments as agreed - at least if you expect to enjoy an equal exchange of energy with them.
Any lasting relationship needs equal exchange of energy to survive. Whether you're giving or receiving, whether it's time or attention, love or money, service or appreciation - if they're out of balance they don't last.
So if you would value your own sense of honor, you will naturally be doing your part. You will naturally guard against becoming a net consumer of energy from others. And if you are giving more than you receive in any consistent, long term way, there is no shame or dishonor in negotiating for equality or even ultimately ending some lopsided arrangements. Remember, they're in it based on free will, just like you are.
This is the kind of time management they don't teach you in the top-down corporate seminars designed to "get more" from each "human resource." We want you to recognize your own satisfactions, your own benefits in each relationship, and value them at least as highly as the needs of others. The key concepts of prioritization, time allocation and equal exchange will be helpful to friends, family, human resources and management teams alike.
